Worrying about worrying: an unhealthy and vicious cycle with no end

Did you know that worrying about something won’t change the outcome whatsoever? It’s a fact. It’s 100 percent true. And yes, I know it, too. But somehow that doesn’t seem to stop me from doing so … constantly.

I’ve always been one to worry. I stress. I have anxiety. I over-think and over-plan. I’m OCD and ADHD, which my mother always joked, combined with my impatience, meant I want everything to be perfect (read: my way), and I want it done now. But, that’s not how life works.

Logically, I know this. I think most people do. But despite the fact, studies show nearly 19.1 percent of American adults suffer with some type of anxiety disorder. (Ironically, per that same study, 23.4 percent of women and 14.3 percent of men typically have anxiety. But that’s a topic for another time.)

That means almost one in five people in our country have anxiety of some sort. It is a disorder to an extent that it impacts daily life. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the same study used a wide variety of anxiety disorders to include in the measurements.

“For the data presented [in this study], any anxiety disorders included panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, specific phobia, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and separation anxiety disorder,” said the introduction.

That’s a lot of worrying. There are many causes, and any anxiety can also display in a variety of ways. Even the same individual can have a plethora of symptoms.

Personally, I know I have anxiety. I, no joke, worry about worrying. It’s a vicious cycle. Why I worry is too long of a list to put here. In fact, it might melt the internet with too much content. From my professional responsibilities, to parenting, balancing a budget, to housekeeping, there is a never-ending list of things that cause me to worry.

Much of what I worry about does matter. They are important facets of my life, and they do require my focus and attention. But I realize the act of worrying or becoming anxious over any one of them (or some of them, or all of them at once) isn’t going to help.

Anxiety can be incredibly unhealthy. I have habits to juggle anxiety that I’ve spent years trying to break. I’m forever “eating my emotions,” which has given me a twisted relationship with food. I’ve done well in the past, and once again since January, with programs like Weight Watchers, because it gives me order, allows for control, and doesn’t limit my choices. It is a healthy way for me to both cope with my food habits, but also still enjoy delicious treats. I mean, in complete honesty, I love food. It is pleasing, it makes me happy, and I truly enjoy it. But I do have to remember to be healthy about it, too.

I also tend to appreciate the physical effects of alcohol. When I know that upcoming circumstances may cause anxiety or stress, I find an adult beverage can help to ease the worry. Again, it is not a healthy way to cope, but I admit it. It works for me, and I likely over-use the crutch at times.

Thankfully, I’ve spent time as I age also learning to be healthier with my choices. As mentioned, WW programs help to keep my food cures in check. I’ve reduced how much I drink to massive extents, largely choosing to only imbibe in social occasions. (Which yes, is still slightly relying on it for social anxiety, but better than it was.)

Instead, I’ve traded unhealthy habits for somewhat better ones. I will often take a walk when I’m overwhelmed. Sometimes, it just helps to get out of the situation, clear my head, and expend physical energy instead of mental kinds. Sometimes talking it out helps, too, though I seldom want to burden others with my internal struggles.

I also can give myself grace (sometimes). I do know I can’t be perfect. I know that is impossible for any one person. And what even is “perfect” anyhow? My personal definition really is living to my standards, to which I set an unachievable bar for myself, then far too harshly criticize my own attempts and failures to meet said bar.

Do I know that this is unhealthy? Yes. Do I know such worrying will not, in fact, help me in any way? Yes. Do I know that this anxiety can even be harmful in many ways? Yes. Will I stop immediately? No. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.

I think I rationalize the approach with a life-long concept that I’d summarize with a single quote:

“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

I don’t know when or where I heard it. I’ve found that many individuals popularize the phrase, yet no single person is credited with having done so first.

The point, at least for me, means setting high standards. It means having ambitious goals. And even if you know in your heart of hearts that it is an unattainable hurdle, failure means you’re still doing above average.

I always try my best. I always give it my all. A far less poetic phrase my dad often used was:

“Don’t half-ass something. If it is worth doing, put your whole ass into it.”

I take that one just as seriously. Why take effort and then not give it your all? Combining the two mantras means always pushing, always trying, always seeking my best self.

I’d say worrying is pointless, but somehow it is how I keep myself focused, poised to do my best, trying with all I have. Not worrying means not caring to me. I shouldn’t really defend it. I should continue to try to find healthy ways of coping with it.

But will it ever stop? I don’t think so. I think it is part of who I am. But I think I am getting better. I am learning to let go of some stressors. I am learning to laugh at others. And most importantly, I’m finding healthy ways to balance that anxiety.

Life is a quest. It is baby steps, each day, every day, working to better yourself. Does it all go smoothly? Nope. Does it always work? Nope. But, hey… I’m aiming for the moon with my feet still firmly planted on Earth. Will I give up? Nope. I will just keep on keeping on! Don’t worry.